Young children quickly learn how to get what they desire and which parent to approach to fulfill their needs. This Pattern often carries over into adulthood
In every family, the bonds that tie us together are often tested by the forces that threaten to pull us apart
when adult children wants a parent to pick sides.
The story of King David and his adult children offers profound lessons within into our own family.
One son deceives his father to obtain what he desires—his half-sister
The father ignoring the situation
Another son seeks vengeance for his brother’s actions towards their half-sister
The same son also deceives his father to carry out his plan of vengeance and
gets his other brothers involved in his vengeance
A daughter left ashamed, unhappy and depressed
The common denominator among the father, both sons and daughter is their approach to the situation
ignoring it, not confronting it, and sweeping it under the rug.
A father choosing the side of one son by ignoring the situation and not addressing it
left his son dead and the other son fleeing far away for killing his brother in vengeance,
who eventually dies as well.
and a shattered daughter and ending up with a long lengthy problem in the kingdom
Without the lessons from the Bible, we might struggle to address our own conflicts appropriately
Unresolved Conflict That Goes Under Ground
2 Samuel 13:20-Absalom asks his sister Tamar if their brother Amnon has “been” with you.
Absalom tells his sister Tamar to keep silent.
2 Samuel 13:21- King David-their father finds out and is angry but does nothing
When family issues are not addressed, they simmer beneath the surface
Avoiding these issues and forcing them underground only leads to larger problems later on.
Issues that are buried become more difficult to fix and require greater skill to resolve.
Eventually, there may come a point where relationships become irreparable.
Unresolved Conflict Turns Yesterdays Anger Into Todays Bitterness
2 Samuel 13:22-Absalam hated his brother Amnon for violating his sister
2 Samuel 13:24-27-2 years has gone by and Absalom’s anger towards his brothers turns to revenge
and plots to kill his brother
When you get hurt and let that pain turn into anger, and then nurture that anger until it becomes bitterness, it can lead to an obsession and a craving for revenge.
Unresolved Conflict Makes Sides Develop
2 Samuel 13:28-29– Absalom invited all his brother’s to a sheepshearing festival and tells his brothers
when their brother Amnon is drunk on wine, you strike him dead, and the brothers did just that.
Unresolved issues can lead families to take sides
Unresolved Conflict Will Be Pushed To The Surface In Some Form of Pain and When It Comes Up, Its Going To Hurt. It Is Not Going To Be Pretty
2 Samuel 13:29- The brothers did as Absalom said and killed their brother
Unresolved Issues Become a Pattern of Disfunction
When we fail to resolve one conflict, and another arises, we become accustomed to not resolving conflicts. We learn to tolerate the discomfort of unresolved conflict, and the problems persist.
Unresolved conflict is like unresolved mold issues, you can wipe if off but it is going to come back
You can bleach it to death and all you did was take away the surface
Reflecting on my own personal journey involving family conflict,
We all should have all stopped and taken a step back.
This is about our own wants, desires, and seeking fairness for personal gain along with some vengeance and involving a parent to take sides.
A divided family resulted from the consequences of our own actions, which stemmed from sin, a lack of maturity in our walk with the Lord, and an inability to properly address issues.
As I dive deeper into God’s word and strive to be more obedient, my readiness to remove the blinders from my eyes allows me to see wrongfulness of my actions.
There were unresolves issues in my life that occurred decades ago, which have been buried and left to smolder. Issues that have been buried become more difficult to fix and require greater skill to resolve
Relationships can reach a point where they seem irreparable
Repairing them is a skill that can be learned
1. Be Honest
Healing does not occur by ignoring problems and pretending they do not exist.
No issue is resolved by covering it up and acting as if it’s not there.
People must speak the truth; if you’re lying about a situation, genuine healing cannot take place.
It’s also important to let go of “your perception” of what you believe resides in another’s heart
This is why honesty and trust are essential
Proverbs 12:22: “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy
Colossians 3:9-10: “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator”
2. Willingness to change yourself
There has to be a willingness to not continue down the road we are on
Genuine transformation comes from a readiness to change and sincere adherence to God’s will.
Willingness to change is a crucial aspect of personal growth and development.
To genuinely embrace change, one must accept both its positive and negative aspects.
Pain, stress, and fear may surface during the journey.
Ephesians 4:22-24: “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness
Each person’s healing journey is as unique as a fingerprint.
There’s no fixed timeline; it’s about weaving together the threads of acceptance.
Let the fabric of your relations be mended not by the urgency of time but through the gentle and patient guidance of the Lord’s divine hand and a willingness heart
Please join along side of me and let’s come together as a true community of Christ
Let’s welcome change and transformation together
https://echosofmyfootsteps.com
Dousing the Flame
